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I'm having submissive fantasies?

I'm a white 41y old woman. About 175 lbs. Curly auburn hair. I love my cat, reading, movies, cooking, and sex. Looking for a strong male who can show me if I'm a submissive. I'm not sure because I'm pretty territorial about my home and how I'm treated. But...sex is boring or just leaves me aching. I love being told what to do but I have a bad habit of rebelling when I'm being grouchy but..... I guess it's because I'm always feeling left behind. I've been told that I'm too much effort and that I'm not worth the effort. I want to find out if it's true. If I'm expecting too much and can't give in.

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Appearance

EthnicityCaucasian / White
National heritageAmerican
BuildAverage
Height5' 8" (173 cm)
Eye ColorGrey
Hair ColorAuburn / red
Hair LengthShoulder length
Body ArtPierced... but only ear(s), Secret piercings
Health ConditionDepression
Bra size34 / 75
Cup sizeDD
My attractiveness:Average

Situation

Has childrenChildren don't live with me
Wants kidsNo
Housing SituationAll is calm
Living ArrangementsWith pet(s)
Has a carNo

Education & Employment

EducationProfessional - Technical - Vocational School
SpecialtyFood / Catering
Employment StatusPart-time
Job TitleCharity donations

Looking For

Must haveIntelligence, Humor, Great skills, Sensitivity, Boldness, Spontaneity, Wit, Thoughtfullness
My perfect matchI would prefer someone taller than me and I've always preferred aggressive males. Wide shoulders, thick thighs and a heavy package. Able to hold a conversation about anything. Who can show his female who she belongs to in or out the house.
Our first dateA movie, laughter, maybe a discussion on expectations and boundaries, food

BDSM Preferences

I'm turned on byUnsure / New to this lifestyle
My role isSubmissive
I am seekingA mentor / teacher
I live the lifestyleNew to it & want exposure
Experience levelBeginner
I enjoyBiting, body worship, Bondage
Open To Photos & VideosDepends on the partner
My most pleasurable encounter wasBeing held completely down and spread open while he first ate my pussy and then fucked me till I forgot who I was. I would have allowed anal it was so good.

Fetishes

FetishesLace / Lingerie, Smoking

Sexual Activities

I enjoy sex:A couple times a week
Sex isAlways on my mind
Most partners at once:Group sex no swapping
Dirty talkTurns me on
Night life:Movies, Don't like going out

Sexual Interests

CybersexNo, I need the real thing
Oral Sex isIt's how I get aroused
Anal sex isNot my thing
Sex toys:Clitoral stimulator, Dildos/Vibrators
Size matterSometimes, depends on the person
"Off Limits":Blood sports. Animals. Children. Anything that could kill me.

Sexual Fantasies

Sexual fantasyI've been having one over and over lately. It will start and end differently but this one position keeps replaying. One man is behind me on his knees or sitting somewhere. I usually have my legs spread over his thighs with my feet in between his. He has one hand on my front supporting me while my body is arched taking his dick and his other playing with my clit. At some point there is another person sometimes a man at others a woman. Either way they are licking and softly kissing and sucking on my clit while he is fucking me and in my dreams it is the most incredible sensation. Just the thought of having complete undivided attention like that gets me going.
Fantasy sex partner:I don't know. I want a man that gets off on seeing me get off and knowing that he did that and made me feel that way. Sexiest thing is spontaneous aggression.